...and today, me, tomorrow, we love

sometimes it's really hard to be me. in fact, it's often better not to be me, in fact, since it goes against the me i'd like to be. there is something to be said for improving oneself, or denying oneself to better serve others. God says it's a must. But often, my inner dialogue says "Good God, must I?" I'm a bit rambly today...a series of inner explosions, expressing itself in strange behavior, coupled with a cold and some contankerous boys in my house today, has left me feeling somewhat out of sorts. someone told me recently that the only person i needed to satisfy was myself and my heart. sounds good at first....but really, how very selfish and how shallow an existance this would be for the long term....and it shows in his life, sadly. true satisfaction actually comes from taking care of others, showing love, giving love, handing it along. it grows and grows and has deep roots. but the "Good God, must I?" bubbbles up from time to time when I Want, I Need, Me, me, me gets left behind. it's terribly hard to be selfless and let those me, me's just dissolve.

revisiting..

yeah, i forgot about my blog after one post. i'm remembering that whole "juggling kids and life and nonsense from my first and only post...and i'm supposing that is what has happened. so much life in less than a year. i suppose this is one of those God tests....i get them a lot, but this is the biggie..between love snags, kid snags, weight snags, financial eff ups.....this year has made me grow a lot. being forced back into a place where i need to rely on my husband, myself and God more than i ever have, well, it's humbling.

so, i've decided to cook more. not just cook, but cook to nurture. and since both my children and my husband are immune to my gastrointestinal charms, it is for me alone. but i sure hope you come to dinner.