reminders like a frying pan to the head...

i know someone with a pretty sick child. she celebrates the little things. first, when i read about her current victory, i cried. i couldn't help it. i hope i never know how these mothers get by day to day with the worry, the fear, the agony of wanting, needing to take the pain from your child and take it on yourself instead, if God would only let you. they do get by though. they do it for their babies, because this is what helps them to heal. but i hope i never have to summon the kind of strength that must take. so i cried. then i went upstairs and buried my nose in the hair of my sleeping children and kissed them, said a silent prayer, told them i loved them. and now, i cry again because i yelled loud and repeatedly today. i used the scary mom voice and made my littlest cry. why do we do this? why, in the moment, do we think they are trying to maliciously torment us? they aren't, they are being stinkers, because that is what 2 and 4 year old boys do. and my goal of being a kind, consistant, nurturing mother, well, that counter clicked back to zero to start again. it's all we can do. pray for a better day tomorrow and do our best to make it happen. but i'm reminded, that there are no guarantees. God gives much but also can take away. and my children will know love. they will know humor. they will know that mama isn't perfect but she loves them with an ache that only a mother can feel. they will know.