...i'm not sure, well, maybe i should?

okay, so i'm not actually sure i should be writing anything tonight. it was a long day. filled with a lot of tasks that had to be done, and many did not but i got to spend time on hold anyway. i've got a dog at my feet, a cat on the table next to me, and three sleeping people in the house, and i need to be also. but i wanted to find time to say that girlfriends are invaluable. Girlfriends who help you wade thru your life, who remind you to look for God everywhere, who remind you to celebrate tiny victories because sometimes that's all we get for awhile. my small victory tonight is taking the upper hand in an internal debate. this debate will happen again. but for tonight, i win.

life is so not what i thought it'd be which is pretty wonderful in some ways if you can see past how disappointing it can also be sometimes. these little dramas of the day today--they are my movie, my theme song....i don't need to find drama, or find a way to attract it..it's in the toddler meltdowns that end in tiny arms locked around my neck, in sloppy kisses and in cold dog noses on my cheek in the middle of the night. it's in the terrible beauty of those rocky spots in a marriage--that you pray you get thru. it's in all the things that make you, you..when you wake up and realize you're who you are. and have always been, even when you spent so long pretending you weren't. this drama, the beauty, the pain. it's all worth it and it's all here for us to savor. this door, this life is short and ends fast. i think i'll just live in my own soundtrack of rocket noises, matchbox cars down wood stairs, of mommy calls in the middle of the night, the symphony of opening doors and fruit snack wrappers, of barking dogs and snoring husbands, of the dragon tails theme song. all of it. it's all mine.